June 2013
what if you went out to buy alcohol and when they asked for your I.D you handed them a picture of taylor swift and said ‘i don’t know about you but im feeling 22’
mom i’m breaking up with you you’re too clingy
if you’re rude to waiters at restaurants i hate you
if you’re rude i hate you
i hate you
rude
my dad and this other guy were fighting over who would go on a date with my mom in high school so they put their forearms together and my mom dropped a lit cigarette in between them and said “first one to pull away loses” and my dad still has a little scar
i just burned 1200 calories (i forgot the pizza in the oven)
A Flowchart Describing 90% of All Porn Movies
I had a job a few years ago for a large internet company that owned a bunch of different websites. I wrote for a humor blog, but the guy sitting behind me worked for a porn site. Everyday he had to sift through porn clips, deciding which to post. We started to realize that there are basically only a few things that make up almost EVERY porno. So one day I decided to make a flowchart to describe them.
The taco in the background ahaha
I hate needing people, its seriously so stupid to me, like I don’t want too!!! Why do I have to feel this way!!
Sometimes you meet someone and even though you
never liked brown eyes before, their eyes are your favourite colour now
and sometimes you meet someone who can make the
sickest addictions seem beautiful and sometimes
there’s some people you’d rather sit on a couch with
and drink some gas station coffee and read your favourite
books over and over while you forget that dinners on the stove
so it gets burned but you still think it’s delicious anyway.Marry them.
